Bag of Dildos

She tells me that she has not said she loves him and he has not said he loves her. Does she think this makes me feel better? It just makes me feel as if her proclaimed love for me is so small, so weak, that it’s worth less than a bag of dildos and all the things she banged on about him for months when she was being less than straightforward about her feelings for Alex and the amount of time they were spending together.

At the end of the day, whatever she feels, it’s not enough love for her to want to try to see if we could work. It’s not a love that means as much to her as her life with him. I might understand, but that doesn’t mean it hurts any less. It doesn’t diminish the sense of loss, the sense of devastation. It doesn’t reduce the number of hours I’ve pathetically spent crying today. The pain is bone-deep and it doesn’t fade because my love for her is still there.