Consolation from the Artic Monkeys

The book is officially out today. Any lack of shouting with joy and punching the air is partly down to the fact that I am too ill to enjoy the triumph of getting the material put out by a major publisher. It is also because I’m still shit scared of going up against Nestlé, Ford, Coca-Cola and Church of Scientology. The CIA and the Yard have no power to keep me awake at night compared to the frightening clout of the corporate big boys and the assorted shades of goon that Scientology can throw around.

My favourite step-cousin sent me a text out of the blue tonight. It was great to hear from her, even though she sounded somewhat low. We have made provisional plans to meet up in December when she comes down to London from Birmingham for a day. Oddly, I was thinking about her at the weekend, as it was in her company that I last drunk far too much in Camden.

Despite myself, I’ve been taking consolation from the Artic Monkeys’ Bigger Boys and Stolen Sweethearts, especially the lines: ‘There’s always somebody taller with more of a wit,’ ‘You heard what she’s been doing? She never did it for me,’ and best of all, ‘He’s pinched your bird and he’d probably kick your head in.’ It’s not Hanesian, but there’s a delicious grim humour in it.