Jarvis Cocker Sang, Disney Tears Fell

Resting up yesterday allowed me my first proper day out today. Surreal Girl came down from London to provide the supportive company I needed to try and exorcise some ghosts. I doubt that for most people, Italian food and Harry Potter feature as relationship ghosts, but they do for me. The meal wasn’t too bad. The fact that I’d been dreaming of some robust pasta and a decent Sicilian red since I went in hospital helped, as did good conversation. However, Harry Potter & The Goblet of Fire was heartbreaking. The Yule Ball scene was the worst. Jarvis Cocker sang, Disney tears fell from my eyes. I had to bite down on my tongue to stop a sob coming out. I have never missed holding her hand more. Not even when I was in the hospital.

I am sick of all these little ghosts. Sick of breaking into tears over the loss of someone who at the end of the day doesn’t love me enough to try. I am angry at myself for missing her so much. I am angry at still having so much love for her in my heart. Angry at being so weak that I feel this overwhelming grief.