Vapid, Condescending Platitudes and Emotionally Devoid Expressions

On top of everything else, I have had to cope with a series of patronising and upsetting emails from Anne-Marie in the last 24 hours. Why contact me to let me know that she no longer loves me? Why indulge in pointless revisionism that would not be out of place in the Stalin era USSR? Why twist ‘we agree to be exclusive and try’ into some version of reality where her telling me we were over when she came back from holiday with Alex is not dumping me? It’s not as if I forget what she said, I remember very clearly as I was trying to explain about how ill I was whilst she dropped this bombshell.

She has agreed not to contact me in future. Knowing we will never speak again breaks my heart, but if all she has to say is vapid, condescending platitudes and emotionally devoid expressions such as ‘Hope you recover soon’ there is no point. If all you can say to someone after more than seven years are those four words, why bother putting them in email?

So yet again, I spend hours crying and not writing. I’m sure that anything I write under the influence of tears and this emotional bleeding would be close to shit anyway, but now I’m not cranking out the words because of being so bloody hurt over her instead of not writing because all I can see is the yellow and black of my insides.