Help Elvis With His Spelling

I had a fantastic abusive email today from michael.jurisevic@hotmail.com I am reproducing it and my reply for your distraction. I am not in any way advocating that any reader should attempt to help Elvis with his spelling.


Mr.Southwell,
Just leafed through your book Secrets and Lies (it wasn’t worth reading
through) and it is easily the most moronic collection of garbage I can
remember reading. It is also crap as a peice of writing.

How you managed to convince a publisher to sink money into this puerile
exercise is beyond me.

Regards, Elvis Presley

P.S Thanks for not reveiling my current address in your book


Dear Michael 'Elvis Presley' Jurisevic,

Thank you so much for your email. I so enjoy bile. It gives me a great
deal of satisfaction that the leafing through the book made you so
annoyed that you bothered to read the acknowledgements and let me know
how you felt about it. All feedback, both positive and negative can be
wonderfully instructive. It is just a shame you could not have been
more specific. It is so much more useful when people can pinpoint what
in my work provokes a strong reaction.

I am sorry that that it is beyond you to understand my ability to
convince a publisher to print, distribute and translate my work in
half a dozen languages across several territories. If it was within
your understanding, you might have your own books published - which I
am sure I would enjoy leafing through. Once you do gather an
understanding of the publishing process, it might help if you also mastered the use of a spellchecker. I am sorry, but I don't credit you with the irony to
understand why 'It is also crap as a peice (sic) of writing' is such a
funny sentence, especially when you call my work moronic.

With warm regards,

David Southwell

P.S. I never have any intention of reveiling (sic) anyone’s current address, let alone revealing yours.