Blog Crisis Point

I am having something of a blog crisis point. I know from comments that this blog now has a few readers. This is a good thing. As a writer I live to communicate. However, knowing that you are not typing in a vacuum has implications. Audience brings responsibility. Audience stops writing being a form of self-indulgent masturbation.

Some readers want more politics. Some strange people want more angst. One emailer even said: ‘Can you go back to slashing your wrists in public rather than film reviews.’ I am aware that some readers are people who know me personally and use English Dreaming, English Rain as a check on how I am doing. That fact has become the heart of my blogger crisis.

This blog has never been about anything other than being a fragmentary reflection of some of what is happening in my life and my head. If as a reader you don’t like the bizarre veering between angst, politics and my enduring love of geek culture, there are a million other online journals to follow. You are responsible for what you read; I am responsible for what I write.

My only guiding rules when starting this blog was to be totally honest and to do no harm to those I care about. The crisis has arisen because there is now so much self-censorship happening to ensure that second rule is fulfilled, when I write, I no longer feel I am being totally honest. When I am studiously avoiding making entries on certain days because I feel I cannot say exactly what is preoccupying my thoughts and feelings most at the time, something is wrong. It may be time for this to stop.