Getting in Touch with my Inner Amphibian
Thank you for everyone who has written to me with advice on learning to swim and how to get over my phobia about immersing my head under water. Some suggestions may have merit in other circumstances (hypnotism). Some are not only illegal they would probably kill me (taking copious amounts of Psilocybe semilanceata to relax me prior to getting in the pool). Some are inspired (getting in touch with my inner amphibian). If I combined just those three ideas I could possibly set off a Lovecraftian Atavistic regression and synchronise with the Deep One morphogenetic field.
I particularly enjoyed the comment that suggested the childhood trauma of nearly drowing and then being beaten for falling into the near freezing sea by my mother’s brutish ex-boyfriend made me: ‘a big nancy’. The advice included with the comment (‘swimming is all in the head – just bloody get on with it’) was spot on and I will attempt to remember it the next time I am feeling a little panicked in the pool.
I particularly enjoyed the comment that suggested the childhood trauma of nearly drowing and then being beaten for falling into the near freezing sea by my mother’s brutish ex-boyfriend made me: ‘a big nancy’. The advice included with the comment (‘swimming is all in the head – just bloody get on with it’) was spot on and I will attempt to remember it the next time I am feeling a little panicked in the pool.
3 Comments:
Look, it's simple.
On the next Orthodox Feast of Saint Spiridonas -- November sometime I think, but Google or Wiki will tell you -- get yourself to Corfu, and join the throngs queueing up to kiss the ancient carcass' rotting toe-bones. This blasphemously pagan act of ancestor-licking magically guarantees you immunity from death by drowning. He's not even infectious -- I should know, I did it as a kid and was too stupid to pretend, and it hasn't affected _me_ in the slightest.
Talking of which, am about to jet off to the Ukraine for a few weeks. Voluntarily.
Nargh.
Look, it's simple.
On the next Orthodox Feast of Saint Spiridonas -- November sometime I think, but Google or Wiki will tell you -- get yourself to Corfu, and join the throngs queueing up to kiss the ancient carcass' rotting toe-bones. This blasphemously pagan act of ancestor-licking magically guarantees you immunity from death by drowning. He's not even infectious -- I should know, I did it as a kid and was too stupid to pretend, and it hasn't affected _me_ in the slightest.
Talking of which, am about to jet off to the Ukraine for a few weeks. Voluntarily.
Sounds like you are on the run again. Interpol catch up with you?
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