Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Charlotte

On my way back from the South Coast, a girl called Charlotte interrupted my train journey. I know she was called Charlotte because I heard her shout it into her mobile phone several times. Instead of relaxing into my seat and watching the sun pass below the horizon in a glorious burst of pink light as the shadows of dusk fell across the Sussex countryside, I had to listen to Charlotte. There was no escape from her ridiculously loud and inane chatter. No escape from her braying into her phone.

I wanted to say something to her, but was asked not to on the grounds it would embarrass my travelling companion and I had a yellow-coloured face. (The logic being that an angry man with an apparently jaundiced look would not be effective against a more-money-than-manners loudmouth).

However, when she shouted her mobile phone number three times whilst making an 8:45 dinner booking at a restaurant called Tarot, an idea did occur to me. It also appeared to occur to another passenger who like me was typing Charlotte’s number into his Blackberry. About an hour after I got off the train I sent Charlotte a text message. It read: 'Hi Charlotte. My what a loudmouth you are! Don’t bother going out. I have cancelled your booking at Tarot.'

Of course, I had not cancelled her dinner reservation, I just wanted to give her a shock to possibly make her rethink the wisdom of loudly giving out personal details on a crowded train and having no sense of personal volume control. I have felt a little guilty about doing this since and it is probably a sign I am a deeply unpleasant curmudgeon, but I could not promise I would not do it again.

20 comments:

Carlotti said...

I love it.

I must confess that I use my mobile in many places that are traditionally silent, but will remember Charlotte and hope to never irritate my fellow passengers to that degree!

My family loves to compare notes on how we deal with telephone solicitors; texting annoying people who insist on making us listen to their conversations brings this to a whole new level.

Judith said...

You should be applauded for your actions! And oh to be a fly on the wall when she read that text message! Nice one!

General Catz said...

Brilliant! I nearly spit my coffee onto the monitor. *takes notes*

cindra said...

You are brilliant! You are a darling curmudgeon. Don't change. Charlotte had that coming!

Anonymous said...

David

Got to hand it to you, thats more polite, more funny and less down-right-nasty than I would have been, so much respect.

Next time don't forget 118118 can be dialed from mobiles to get the restaurants number!!!

Anonymous said...

I definitely loved your idea and find that it was perfectly acceptable.

Another thing I absolutely loathe about cell phones: whenever you are with someone, having a conversation, and they constantly keep answering their phone. If I am talking to someone and my phone goes off, I look to see if it's important, if not, I click ignore and go on with the conversation, with a quick "sorry about that." If it is important, I say "excuse me, I have to take this." Although, since I am not a surgeon or anything mildly important, the most important phone call I get is "hey, which bar are we going to tonight?", so I usually can hang off from answering to quickly.

Mark Presland said...

That was superb. Great wind-up.

Hate it when you HAVE to overhear someone else's phone conversation.

Aliandra Darkeyes said...

I can't believe I've never thought of doing something like that. It sucks to have to put up with horrible mannerisms like that, but when the revenge is this good...

saltyfeline said...

LMFAO!

that was good. i love it.. a restaurant called, Tarot!

i think i must be the only person on this planet that does not own a cell phone!

enjoyed this very much!

:)

Joyce said...

That is fantastic.
thanks for sharing that story.

SL Newman said...

The text message was great! Thanks for an entertaining read :)

jokaah said...

You handled that like a pro.

Outstanding stuff, sir.

Milla said...

I think what you did was brilliant!
Ah! Can you imagine her face once she finished reading the text :-D

Anonymous said...

Just for note - my second other idea was to email her number to all your friends ( the non stalkers among us ) and then get us all to text her similarly insulting comments for days afterwards.

This would very likely make her change her number not to mention learning the lesson well and truly.

JustUs said...

Friggin' hilarious! Nothing worse than a self-important cell user that has not caught on to the fact that everyone owns a cell now.

flic said...

Now is about the right time to give her a call, and ask her if she learned anything from that text message. Lol.

Anonymous said...

I agree with flic!!

David, this is priceless.

slaghammer said...

It sounds like you did her a bigger favor than she deserved.

Kristine said...

While your response was undeniably brilliant, I think it was incorrect to assume that a jaundiced-looking angry man would be ineffective. Quite the contrary, I think.

Gucci Muse said...

HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I myself would have told her to STFU!