The Best £3.50 Worth of Fear
I have trouble with heights. Panic attack, going tharn, vomiting with fear trouble with heights.
I think the problem began with a fall down the stairs at home before I was two and solidified into real terror after a trip on the escalators at Waterloo when I was four. I remember my father pulling and shouting at me, the stinging graze on my knees and hands from tumbling down a dozen steps, the people streaming passed looking at me as I began to cry and was spanked for it. Unfortunately, this is one of the few sharp memories I have of my father. It and the fear of heights have always stayed with me.
Therefore attempting to climb the 234 feet high Lantern Tower of York Minster was something of a mad idea. If I known getting to the top not only included climbing 250 steps in two spiral staircases, but also crossing a rooftop walkway mid-way up whilst 50mph winds were slapping me, I might have had the sense to not even try. The ascent was an ordeal. Any joyful idea I had of looking at the Minster’s gargoyles close-up was soon lost to dread.
However, with some calming influence, encouragement and typical Southwell bloody-mindedness, I made it to the top. The view out across the city and of the Vale of York from the battlements was stunning and felt like victory. If I applied the Mark Lester face-your-fear-repeatedly principle I might just be able to conquer sheer horror that made the Tower at York Minster the best £3.50 worth of fear I have ever been treated to.
I think the problem began with a fall down the stairs at home before I was two and solidified into real terror after a trip on the escalators at Waterloo when I was four. I remember my father pulling and shouting at me, the stinging graze on my knees and hands from tumbling down a dozen steps, the people streaming passed looking at me as I began to cry and was spanked for it. Unfortunately, this is one of the few sharp memories I have of my father. It and the fear of heights have always stayed with me.
Therefore attempting to climb the 234 feet high Lantern Tower of York Minster was something of a mad idea. If I known getting to the top not only included climbing 250 steps in two spiral staircases, but also crossing a rooftop walkway mid-way up whilst 50mph winds were slapping me, I might have had the sense to not even try. The ascent was an ordeal. Any joyful idea I had of looking at the Minster’s gargoyles close-up was soon lost to dread.
However, with some calming influence, encouragement and typical Southwell bloody-mindedness, I made it to the top. The view out across the city and of the Vale of York from the battlements was stunning and felt like victory. If I applied the Mark Lester face-your-fear-repeatedly principle I might just be able to conquer sheer horror that made the Tower at York Minster the best £3.50 worth of fear I have ever been treated to.
posted by David at 10:25 PM
4 Comments:
Man, that is SO fucking impressive! I'm proud of you, David.
I had a similar fear of being on a boat after a near-crossing on the Solent in violent weather (we had to turn back cos of me). Then, the day came i wanted to fulfill one of my lifelong dreams -- of crossing the Mersey. I managed to get on the ferry for 10 seconds before running off. Then, i steeled myself and walked back on, terrified.
As we finally left the dock and started crossing the river, in November cold and wind, i felt triumphant. I loved it! I was so deliriously happy. I still have a photograph of me standing on deck with the biggest smile ever on my face.
So, i completely understand. I hope surreal girl took a photo of you up there in your triumph.
That is a lovely story GC. Thank you for sharing.
Photographic proof does exist, including a shot of me returning along the rooftop walkway looking terrified, but without griping the rail until the bones in my hands threatening to burst through my skin as I did on the way up.
We like a lot your pirats visits to our Maloka
greeting from the Mushroom Dog
I spent a good number of my younger days ironworking, walking the narrow flanges of steel I-beams and balancing on flimsy purlins stories above the ground. I love leaning over the edges of cliffs to get a better view. I do have a phobia but I’ve never divulged it. It has something to do with large hard-shelled bugs and the sound they make when crunched under foot. It is more than just sickening to me, I break out in a cold sweat and I have to concentrate on not running away like a hysterical school girl. Gasp!
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