Fondled by Men and Women Wearing Latex Gloves

Despite all my medical misadventures, there are still some procedures I have not had the pleasure of enjoying yet. However, today’s visit to St. Mary’s Hospital allowed me to cross a new one off of the list. If I had a sexual inclination revolving around having my genitals fondled by men and women wearing latex gloves, I would have been in high heaven.

Luckily the whole experience was made bearable by two people. One was a Charge Nurse called Theodore who had the best blood-taking action I have ever encountered. The other was Surreal Girl, who lingered outside in the rain and cold for nearly two hours providing moral support.

Any day that starts with hospital tests can only improve once you are free from breathing air thick with antiseptic and the tang of cold dread that accumulates in waiting rooms. I started to feel much better as soon as I was back in the real world bustle of Little Lebanon on the Edgware Road. Dealing with the petty frustration of trying to find arborio rice in the blighted supermarkets of Bayswater also helped me integrate into something approaching a normal routine. By 6pm I was able to focus on the important things of the day – the quality of the smiling company, a pint of strawberry beer in my local and the joy of cooking a fabulous risotto.