‘Wanking for Coins’

I probably should not be allowed to read Charlie Brooker’s Screen Burn in public. I laughed so hard by the third paragraph of his column today that there was a very real risk of being banned from Carluccio’s. The phrase that did it was ‘wanking for coins’, though there was also much abusive description of Jeffrey Archer – something that always raises a smile.

I do not particularly want to get banned from Carluccio’s in St. John’s Wood. The walk into Knights Hospitaller territory is a good one for a Saturday morning and the breakfast there is fab. It is the sort of place where other patrons ask to borrow your Guardian because there is a feature on them in it. I probably would not have been too interested in ‘the battle for Elijah’s foreskin’, but given that his dad borrowed my paper to read a report on his circumcision choices, I felt obliged to read the piece. This was probably an error. I would normally never get past a first paragraph that contained the line: ‘I was doing something very important on my computer when my wife, Regina, entered my office.’