"Blue Eyes are Inherently Evil"
When I lived in Essex, I had the luxury of having my hair cut by Martyn Holmes. These days, wayward genius in the luscious glory department is not found at the end of the road. Now I just take what is available.
The first time I went into Salon Babylon, the place experienced a Slaughtered Lamb moment. As I stepped through the threshold, the typical buzz you expect of a Near Eastern barbershop stopped. Banter halted before expected putdowns could come. The whirr of clippers ceased. A barber, mid-shave, turned to stare at me, cutthroat open in one hand as all other eyes in the shop followed him.
For 15 minutes no one spoke. When my turn in the chair came I struggled to explain what I wanted. The barber had attitude and little English, while I had less than a dozen words of Arabic. It has to be said: “Chicken” and “Don’t shoot” are not much use when you want to convey: “Same basic style mate, just a couple of inches shorter.”
As I was having my haircut, one customer came up to me and said: “In my country, blue eyes are evil. Blue eyes are inherently evil. You are inherently evil.” There is not a lot you can say to that except: “Thanks, I will bear that in mind.”
I was meant to be intimidated. Uncomfortable. Go and do not return. However, the haircut was cheap and good. Salon Babylon is on my extended patch and I do not tolerate no-go zones. You cannot expect a hoodoo city if you are not prepared to keep coming back until someone gets that burning esfand is not the response to all blue eyes. There may be an angel in every leaf and seed, but I am not the devil you need to keep seventy houses distant.
Six months on and progress is being made. Today when I enter, no one stops talking. Today, I even get my first barber banter. We manage a few jokes about why I have never been in for a shave and when I am told: “Your beard is too long for a real man” there is no knife edge in the words. Ol’ blue eyes will be back in a fortnight for a shave and I am confident no one will be burning esfand.
The first time I went into Salon Babylon, the place experienced a Slaughtered Lamb moment. As I stepped through the threshold, the typical buzz you expect of a Near Eastern barbershop stopped. Banter halted before expected putdowns could come. The whirr of clippers ceased. A barber, mid-shave, turned to stare at me, cutthroat open in one hand as all other eyes in the shop followed him.
For 15 minutes no one spoke. When my turn in the chair came I struggled to explain what I wanted. The barber had attitude and little English, while I had less than a dozen words of Arabic. It has to be said: “Chicken” and “Don’t shoot” are not much use when you want to convey: “Same basic style mate, just a couple of inches shorter.”
As I was having my haircut, one customer came up to me and said: “In my country, blue eyes are evil. Blue eyes are inherently evil. You are inherently evil.” There is not a lot you can say to that except: “Thanks, I will bear that in mind.”
I was meant to be intimidated. Uncomfortable. Go and do not return. However, the haircut was cheap and good. Salon Babylon is on my extended patch and I do not tolerate no-go zones. You cannot expect a hoodoo city if you are not prepared to keep coming back until someone gets that burning esfand is not the response to all blue eyes. There may be an angel in every leaf and seed, but I am not the devil you need to keep seventy houses distant.
Six months on and progress is being made. Today when I enter, no one stops talking. Today, I even get my first barber banter. We manage a few jokes about why I have never been in for a shave and when I am told: “Your beard is too long for a real man” there is no knife edge in the words. Ol’ blue eyes will be back in a fortnight for a shave and I am confident no one will be burning esfand.
Labels: Evil Eye, Martyn Holmes, Salon Babylon
posted by David at 9:43 PM
11 Comments:
You have guts man. That is all I can say.
Wow! I had no idea.. Though, I can see why. I don't think white people ~blue eyes or not~ have really done the rest of world as a whole many favours.
Good for you, for persisting. That takes some cajones..
Let's put our difference aside, one barbershop at a time.
Wonder if you had said your brown skin/ hook nose/black eyes are evil or whatever would that be called racist. Blue eyes evil...I guess if Bushor Blair have Blue eyes I could understand but theirs are brownish aren't they?
Ahhh that explains a lot, the wife has blue eyes :)fortunately no beard :)
still an enjoyable read david thanks
ps nope not back
So is your hair Short now? I have a deep mistrust of hairdressers, I nearly ended up in tears last time I went to Toni and guy had I not watched the butcher in there like a hawk
David, I love re-visiting your blog. Ahh, the stories.
Oh geez. I don't think I would be comfortable there. Reminds me of when I passed through Guffy once and stopped in the one local store for something. Lots of locals in there talking till I walked in and then suddenly dead quiet and all eyes turned on the outsider. Very uncomfortable.
Been away, but not been dead as some may think. Still love the way you put yer butt on the line for truth and respect.
High time we all got a haircut.
Been away, but not been dead as some may think. Still love the way you put yer butt on the line for truth and respect.
High time we all got a haircut.
So, had that shave yet? I hope that's not the reason you haven't posted in a while! ;-)
I think the colour of your eyes are the least of reasons why the proprietors of Salon Babylon might consider you to be "inherently evil"...
Why are you getting your hair cut at a place called "Salon Babylon" anyway? Is this not the very same establishment that has been trying to conquer natty dreadlocks for decades and turn him into a baldhead - as documented across many reggae tracks.
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