Boogled
Google Analytics is always fun. Aside from telling me I remain unloved in Greenland, a cult of one in Palestine, but surprisingly popular Patagonia, there is the warm glow which comes from knowing that I am widely read in Texas. Bill would be proud of me.
Of course, the biggest joy provided by Google Analytics is seeing which surreal searches have pushed people towards English Dreaming, English Rain. My favourites over the last few weeks include: ‘Michael Keaton sightings’, ‘celebrities and their Dobermans’ and ‘duck herding Essex’. However nothing quite tops ‘Kyle McLaughlin pursued by a bear’.
If my mind was not already boggling at though of Agent Cooper stumbling onto the darkness at hidden in the song Teddy Bears Picnic*, then it would definitely be boggled at some of the desperate searches for niche porn captured by analytic software. ‘Dirty pissing,’ ‘leather glove wank story’ and ‘Timotei advert girl fuck’ are probably all pretty standard things. Yet broadminded as I am, there is still surprise in finding people hit my blog looking for ‘Dame porn’, ‘wanking with ribbons’ or ‘badger sex pictures’.
David Icke and Anne-Marie Forker remain ever popular searches, though it is probably best not to interrogate some of the Boolean logic attached to their names by some researchers. There are cases with both of them where I think I need to move beyond the standard boggling and invent a new word, possibly boogled.
The biggest shocks and laughter came from those trying to answer really hard questions. ‘Is Stephen Grasso evil?’ ‘Is English jazz dead?’ ‘Where in the world is David Southwell? The chance of EDER ever being able to answer those imponderables remains slightly less than that of Southend United winning the UEFA Cup.
*Trust me, it is there. I can rumble the line: ‘If you go down to the woods today you are sure for a big surprise’ with such bear menace it makes children cry.
Of course, the biggest joy provided by Google Analytics is seeing which surreal searches have pushed people towards English Dreaming, English Rain. My favourites over the last few weeks include: ‘Michael Keaton sightings’, ‘celebrities and their Dobermans’ and ‘duck herding Essex’. However nothing quite tops ‘Kyle McLaughlin pursued by a bear’.
If my mind was not already boggling at though of Agent Cooper stumbling onto the darkness at hidden in the song Teddy Bears Picnic*, then it would definitely be boggled at some of the desperate searches for niche porn captured by analytic software. ‘Dirty pissing,’ ‘leather glove wank story’ and ‘Timotei advert girl fuck’ are probably all pretty standard things. Yet broadminded as I am, there is still surprise in finding people hit my blog looking for ‘Dame porn’, ‘wanking with ribbons’ or ‘badger sex pictures’.
David Icke and Anne-Marie Forker remain ever popular searches, though it is probably best not to interrogate some of the Boolean logic attached to their names by some researchers. There are cases with both of them where I think I need to move beyond the standard boggling and invent a new word, possibly boogled.
The biggest shocks and laughter came from those trying to answer really hard questions. ‘Is Stephen Grasso evil?’ ‘Is English jazz dead?’ ‘Where in the world is David Southwell? The chance of EDER ever being able to answer those imponderables remains slightly less than that of Southend United winning the UEFA Cup.
*Trust me, it is there. I can rumble the line: ‘If you go down to the woods today you are sure for a big surprise’ with such bear menace it makes children cry.
Labels: David Icke, EDER, Google Analytics, Stephen Grasso
posted by David at 11:59 PM
7 Comments:
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! A very funny post this is.
I particularly like the 'celebrities and their Dobermans' route. I mean, you ARE a celebrity (maybe not in Greenland, alas) so perhaps you DO need a doberman to defend you when you go buy a pint of milk...
BTW, I would love to herd ducks in Essex! I love ducks.
I do not mind being unloved in some of the stranger states of the America, but feel a little let down to be rejected so wholeheartedly by Greenland. Being a no-one rather than a celebrity, I think even a Doberman would not help in Nuuk. Besides, I am much more a cat man and if it comes to a dog, I suspect it will be a Wire Fox Terrier.
I would never attempt to herd my duck neighbours – nor the canalside geese, swans and cormorants – but if I was to get into herding fowl, I can think of one or two good spots in Essex to do it.
The most common Google that lead folks to my blog are "How long can a cold last".
I also get a lot having to do with gate latches, round pens, and hard-to-catch horses.
Don't make the mistake I made once. Deep with in my Celtic soul there is something that is wild and free and I try to hide that, but once it escaped and I entitled a post to the lyrics of Born Free exchanging the B for a P.
Thereafter for some reason my blog was inundated with by undesirable elements of society, people looking for something? I know not what.. and I had to change the title!:) true
I get the most hits off of diabetic rash.
Honestly.....
And nobody from Greenland visits me either.
Duck herding sounds fun! I've tried it once or twice, and it's a pretty hard thing to do.
"Boogled" is a great word for the state of mind that overcomes you when looking at those stats..
Badger sex??? ~I mean, I know they probably do, but who wants to watch that???
Badger sex and Southend United Winning in the same blog.
Oh my....
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