Bill Hicks Still Haunts

The sky is the grey of old skin. I walk the Regent to Camden accompanied by bootleg Black Box Recorder. London offers the usual blessing of indifference. Even with an eyepatch and a growling black coat, I am rendered anonymous, all but invisible. Only children seem to notice me, an appropriate canalside figure for those enjoying the Pirate Castle.

At Jongleurs I am interviewed as a talking head for a DVD extra on a forthcoming Bill Hicks documentary. I am not at my best. Paid in trinkets and Tiger beer, I ramble without any of the coherence and insight Bill deserves.

I want to explain how he was an inspiration, how beyond the laughter they evoked, his words did more than make me think. Explain how after listening to Bill, being a hypocrite is near impossible. Explain how he gave voice to my anger at the illusions of the Black Iron Prison. How the truths he told were so deep and universal they will keep resonating no matter how many times the heads on the statues are changed.

Of course, I fail. I do not even explain that I would probably have never written a conspiracy book without him. I do not even begin to convey how Bill Hicks still haunts me. Nudges me to scrape the black spray paint of the lens, reminds me to laugh, to be angry and yet approach the madness of the world with a loving spirit.

Drinking afterwards with fellow fans and interviewees, there is an immediate bond. If you get Bill, you tend to have something in common aside from a passion for a man who referred to himself as ‘Chomsky with dick jokes’. I hold one of the trinkets, a memorial card made up by Bill’s mother Mary Hicks. I turn its words over and over: ‘I left in love, laughter, and in truth, and wherever truth, love and laughter abide, I am there in spirit.’ Their power makes me feel even worse over the hash I have made of the interview.

The rest of the night is spent with Surreal Girl, something always guaranteed to raise my spirits. We drink champagne while eating popcorn, see an unfinished edit of an upcoming movie. It is a strange experience. Not only do I have to contend with hearing the voice of Doctor Who say ‘fuck’, I am front row with 11 lesbian vampires. This results in a lot of unavoidable actress leg and cleavage. Somehow I suspect Bill would have liked that.

Shadow Play – the Hidden Hands of History

I am having so much fun dealing with my Korean publishers, editors, translators and fans that I wonder if I should not just be done with it and move to Seoul. The translator who is currently turning Global Gangland into Korean, Miran, sends me lovely positive emails alongside queries asking me to detail if a certain gangster's sister-in-law is his cousin, younger sister or older sister due to the exacting nature of a language that values familial positioning. The translator of Secrets & Lies, Ahn So Yeon, has been keeping me updated on the television interviews been done on the book. It gave me a warm glow to know that it was one station's book of the day last week.

Today I was honored to receive an email from DooSeung Lee, the chief director at IMAGO, my Korean publisher. I have never received such a pleasant and praising email from anyone actually involved in the dirty work of publishing my books. Beyond the fact that I have been offered the chance to write a new and territory specific preface for latest Korean edition of Conspiracy Files, there is the intriguing possibility I could decide to write a book purely for the Korean market. I am not sure how Shadow Play – the Hidden Hands of History translates into Korean, but it just might allow me to say all those things lawyers prevent me from saying in English.

David Icke

Below is a draft, un-edited extract from the new version of Conspiracy Files released in England, Wales and Scotland this week.

DAVID ICKE
Few figures in the world of conspiracy theory research cause more polar extremes of reaction than David Icke. Like some types of food, it seems you either love or loathe him. There does not seem to be any neutral ground where Icke is concerned.


Many sober, serious parapolitics investigators who hate any mention of aliens, secret occult societies and long-disproved mega-conspiracies blaming all the world’s ills on just one group will froth at the mouth if he is mentioned. At the other end of the conspiracy spectrum among those who have rejected most ideas relating to consensual reality, he is hailed as a hero. To this group, his talk of the late British Queen Mother being a form of humanoid reptilian existing at a higher dimensional level is a sign of bravery, not a sign he should be restricted to a lunatic asylum.


In my former role as a journalist, I have interviewed David Icke and formed my own opinion on him. Given Icke’s profile in conspiracy circles, it also has been hard to miss his often apparently bizarre statements and interesting speculations. However, in 2004, something happened that changed my view of David Icke and his self-proclaimed role since 1990 to expose “who and what is really controlling the world.”


Every researcher into conspiracies and parapolitics should have at least a couple of spooks – agents of the secret services – amongst their sources of information. While you have to expect a certain amount of disinformation alongside the usual bar room bragging, spooks are often able to provide interesting leads and help confirm the veracity of information. It was while drinking with a spook in a London bar I first learned Icke was the victim of an odd rumour campaign. Although I had met my source to gain help in confirming whether the CIA had sunk a ship in the river Thames in 1964, my spook contact brought up the subject of Icke.


During the course of the next few minutes he outlined an outlandish conspiracy theory in which he claimed David Icke was working for MI5. The source claimed Icke was deliberately promoting fantastic assertions that the bloodlines of powerful families such as those of President Bush and Queen Elizabeth II were linked to reptilian humanoids to purposefully discredit the whole field of conspiracy research. By making such peculiar claims, his alleged paymasters hoped more straightforward areas of conspiracy investigation would be tainted with an air of the ludicrous in the eyes of the public.


At first I took this as a one-off comment, a peculiar aberration from a usually reliable source. However, other authors had heard similar whispers. In fact, some conspiracy theorists had already begun publicly discussing claims of Icke’s involvement with the British security services. When talking about the issue they made the reasonable point that MI5 have a track record of infiltrating the conspiracy community. MI5 do this partly as they need to keep track on certain rampant crypto-fascists within parapolitical research and partly because it is wise to monitor those trying to monitor you. As the CIA have shown over the years in ufology, it can also often be useful to use a conspiracy theorist to discredit a subject and spread misleading rumours.


If there were a secretly orchestrated campaign to make David Icke look like a MI5 puppet, it would only be the latest instalment in a life that often looks like the unfolding of a surreal soap opera. David Icke had certainly made an incredible journey. His first career was as a professional footballer, keeping goal for Coventry City before a leg injury finished his playing days. He turned to journalism and eventually became a sports reporter and then anchorman for the BBC. At the height of his fame, he left television to become an activist for the Green Party. In 1990, Icke received a number of messages from a medium. When he revealed these to colleagues in the Green Party he was banned from speaking on their behalf. By 1991 he had gone public with a number of his controversial views – such as his “I am a channel for the Christ spirit” – and became a subject of national public ridicule.


Although it is acknowledged by many researchers that Icke has unearthed some interesting facts to support some of his conspiracy ideas on areas such as 9/11, he has also often relied on material thoroughly disproved to have a basis in reality. He has repeated claims made by a man called Mark Phillips about the existence of a mind control programme to produce child sexual slaves for senior US politicians. Needless to say, Mark Phillips has never been able to produce any objective proofs of his claims or even his alleged career in the CIA. It is hard to doubt that Icke’s promotion of these views along with his talk of reptilian humanoids has cast a shadow of media derision over some elements of conspiracy research.


THE STRANGE PART
If as many like to portray him, David Icke were a mere lunatic who has wandered so far off the map of reality he is almost beyond ridicule, why would anyone bother to indulge in a campaign to undermine him? Surely his quoting of highly dubious sources and belief in the reality of hyper-dimensional reptilian humanoids raise enough obstacles to creditability for the average person exposed to his work? It is strange the slander about him being an agent of disinformation seems designed to cause most harm to his reputation with the thousands of people who buy his books and attend his public lectures. If Icke is a threat to no-one and speaking rubbish, who would bother to try and further denigrate his reputation?


THE USUAL SUSPECTS

REPTILIAN HUMANOIDS
Some conspiriologists back David Icke’s ideas about the world being controlled by higher-dimensional reptilian humanoids working through the prominent families and secret societies. They claim any slander or attempt to smear Icke is the work of these reptilian humanoids working through their global network of human agents.


BRITISH ROYAL FAMILY
Icke has made repeated claims that some members of British royal family we perceive as human are in fact secretly lizard people. If you were in the position of power enjoyed by Queen Elizabeth II and were fed up with a former footballer calling you and your late mother lizards, what would you do? Get agents in your security services to try and discredit the miscreant perhaps?


MI5
Fed up with Icke accusing them of working on behalf of lizard paymasters and sticking his nose into their operations, MI5 may have spontaneously taken it upon themselves to start rumours about one thing they knew would hurt any conspiracy researcher – working for them.


THE UNUSUAL SUSPECTS


LEFT-WING CONSPIRIOLOGISTS
Conspiracy researchers with a left-wing bias have regularly attacked Icke for bringing ridicule to the whole field of parapolitcal research. They have also criticised his links to authors such Eustace Mullins who once wrote a book entitled ‘The Biological Jew’. A secret cabal of left-wing conspiriologists would certainly seem to have motivation for orchestrating a campaign against Icke.


ANTI-JEWISH DEFAMATION CAMPAIGNERS
Numerous anti-Jewish defamation groups have accused Icke of anti-Semitism. They have protested at his conferences, thrown custard pies at him and claimed when he talks about lizards, he is really talking about Jews. Icke has always rigorously denied their allegations and they have not impacted on his growing popularity. Could elements of anti-Jewish defamation groups have changed tactics in an attempt to discredit someone they view as dangerously anti-Semite?


MOST CONVINCING EVIDENCE
In the years following Icke’s public ridicule in 1991, he has recovered some of his reputation. He was the subject of the 2007 TV documentary David Icke: Was He Right? and The Waterboys’s song ‘Sympathy For David Icke’ was written in his honour. Icke has produced more than 20 books on spirituality and his belief in a global conspiracy, attracting a worldwide following for his ideas. It was only after a growing number of people began to take seriously his pronouncements about 9/11 and the ‘War on Terror’ being the result of a conspiracy that rumours about him being an agent of disinformation began. It was also only at the point he was enjoying a new surge in popularity that he faced other obstacles to promoting his views such as a legal fight for ownership of 16 books he had written.


MOST MYSTERIOUS FACT
Several conspiratorial predictions made by Icke have ended up looking like prophecy. In January 2001 he wrote: ‘Don’t be surprised if the United States finds itself in another manipulated war during this administration. You will see monsters being created in the public mind to justify such action’ also adding ‘before 2002 the United States will suffer a major attack on a large city’. He had already predicted in 1998: ‘There will a plan to start a Third World War by stimulating the Muslim world into a holy war against the West.’


SCEPTICALLY SPEAKING
Stripped of its stranger trappings, David Icke’s message seems to be we should wake to the lies told by our leaders and defeat the ills of the world through love. It is easy to see how anyone preaching that humanity is systematically exploited, hypnotised by television and needs love to overthrow the illusions holding it prisoner could be seen as a dangerous radical by those in power. It would be far more suspicious if there were no trace of an anti-David Icke campaign – that really would smack of him being either totally irrelevant or acting on hidden orders. Besides, to be slandered by some conspiriologists and British spooks should be taken as huge badge of honour.

Alexander Litvinenko

Below is a draft, un-edited extract from the new version of Conspiracy Files released in England, Wales and Scotland yesterday.

ALEXANDER LITVINENKO
The explosive conclusions of some conspiracies produce flashbulb moments – the white magnesium flare leaving its violent after image burned into global cultural memory. It is commonplace for those alive in the 1960s to talk of remembering where they were when they heard the news of the assassination of JFK. Among my generation, its exact point when you heard the news John Lennon had been shot that delivers total clarity of recall. For my teenage god-daughter’s age-group, it is September 11, 2001.


It was the final dying moments of another conspiracy with a strangely personal connection to me that means I recall 24 November, 2006. I had enjoyed a fantastic night out, drinking Bellinis at the Heights Bar high above London, watching 100,000 lights shine below me, transforming London into fairyland. I got home just before midnight and in autopilot mode switched on BBC News 24 to hear: ‘At 9:23pm Alexander Litvinenko died.’


Suddenly I was a mess of empathy for his wife and son, anger towards his killers and a heightened sense of my own mortality. Although from the moment of his death the world would come to know him mainly by the tabloid title of ‘the radioactive Russian spy’, to me Alexander Litvinenko was a fellow author of conspiracy books. He was also a generous source of information for some of the material in my book Global Gangland that dealt with the Organizatsia and the links between Russian politicians and criminal networks.


Alexander Litvinenko was not your usual conspiracy theorist. Before coming to live in England as a political exile from his Russian homeland, Litvinenko had been a lieutenant-colonel in the Federal Security Service of the Russian Federation (FSB), the successor organization to the Soviet KGB. In 1998, after more than 12 years loyal service in the KGB and FSB, Litvinenko took to a platform with four other senior FSB officers. The five men publicly declared they had been ordered to assassinate Boris Berezovsky, a Russian businessman who then held the government post of Secretary of the Security Council and was close to President Boris Yeltsin. They claimed their orders had come from the top of the security service. At the time the head of the FSB was future Russian President Vladimir Putin.


After he made this claim, Litvinenko was dismissed from the FSB. The following year he was arrested on charges of having beaten up citizens and stolen explosives while carrying out anti-terrorist duties. After serving a brutal month in prison, the authorities released Litvinenko on condition he remained in Russia. With the help of old FSB contacts and friends of Boris Berezovsky, Litvinenko was able to flee to Istanbul on forged passports with his wife and young son. He eventually arrived at London’s Heathrow airport where he applied for politcal asylum.


Once safely settled in Britain, Litvinenko began to make further conspiratorial claims about the role of the FSB in Russian politics. Some of his claims – such as those in his book Blowing Up Russia – were backed up by hard evidence. He was able to show that members of the FSB carried out some of the wave of apartment bombings that killed more than 300 people in Moscow and other Russian cities in 1999. The bombing had originally been blamed on Chechen terrorists, but Litvinenko believed the FSB had carried them out to justify a new war in the disputed territory of Chechnya and help bring Putin to power.


Some of Litvinenko’s other claims were harder to prove. He asserted two of the terrorists behind the Moscow theatre siege in 2002 were FSB operatives and leading al-Qaeda terror chiefs such Ayman al-Zawahiri had been trained by and were still linked to the FSB. Some thought him a hero for announcing a FSB dimension to the July bombings in London in 2005. Others though him a madman for maintaining Vladimir Putin had ordered the killing of journalists who tried to expose his alleged paedophilia. However, no one doubted he was an expert on the workings of the FSB and linkage between the security services and elements of the Russian Mafiya. He certainly tried to use his knowledge to save the life of journalist Anna Politkovskaya, who was murdered just weeks after Litvinenko warned her Putin had ordered her death.


On November 1, 2006 Litvinenko suddenly became ill and was hospitalised. It later emerged that he had been poisoned with the rare and highly toxic radionuclide polonium-210. Litvinenko told police that he had met three ex-KGB agents on the day he fell ill, drinking tea with them at the Millennium Hotel. He had then dined at the Itsu sushi restaurant in Piccadilly with Italian contact Mario Scaramella, to whom he made the allegations concerning Italian Prime Minister Romano Prodi.


When it became clear that his death from radiation poisoning was imminent, Litvinenko converted to Islam and allegedly drafted a statement in which he blamed President Putin for the conspiracy to silence him through the ‘beating wings of the angel of death’.


THE STRANGE PART
Why use polonium-210? As it can only be produced in minute quantities inside nuclear reactors it is an expensive and difficult substance to obtain. It is also a ridiculously ostentatious way to murder someone. Polonium-210 leaves a radioactive trail detectives can easily follow across continents via contaminated vehicles such as passenger jets. It seems whoever planned the murder of Litvinenko was happy for him to suffer the type of strange, lingering death guaranteed to attract global media attention and leave a radioactive trail pointing back towards Russia.


THE USUAL SUSPECTS

VLADIMIR PUTIN
Alexander Litvinenko and many of those close to him believed that Vladimir Putin had personally ordered his death, using the vast resources available to FSB and it network of agents to ensure the silence of one his most virulent critics. Was Putin trying to make an example out of Litvinenko, his extravagant and cruel death a marker to deter others from speaking out against him?


BORIS BEREZOVSKY
Given the amount of spectacular bad press Litvinenko’s death and claims of Putin’s hand in it brought the Russian president, the Kremlin has claimed that Litvinenko was killed by those trying to undermine Putin through an ingenious smear campaign. FSB agents suggested that it was one of Litvinenko’s closest friends and Putin’s most powerful political enemies – Boris Berezovsky – who arranged the murder.


RENEGADE VITYAZ ELEMENTS
Vityaz – Russian for ‘knight’ – is a special unit of the Russian army created to fight terrorism and rebel insurgents. Litvinenko had often criticised its activities fighting a ‘dirty war’ in the Chechnya. ChechnyaVityaz members even used photos of him in marksmanship training. Fiercely loyal to Putin, some believe that renegade Vityaz co-operated with FSB agents in a plan to wipe out Litvinenko without their bosses having any knowledge of it, thereby giving them plausible deniability over events.


THE UNUSUAL SUSPECTS


ALEXANDER LITVINENKO
One offensive idea articulated by some Russian pro-Putin conspiracy theorists is that Alexander Litvinenko conspired with dissident FSB agents and exiled anti-Putin political activists to stage his own death. He used polonium-210 knowing it would help garner massive press attention and give him a global platform to denounce Putin.


THE ORGANIZATSIA
Litvinenko was an expert on the links between the Russian Mafiya, high-placed politicians and the security service. During his time in as a FSB agent and exiled conspiracy theorist, he had earned the hatred of the Solntsevo crime syndicate, the most powerful group within Russian organized crime. It is believed by some the Organizatsia had him silenced to protect their powerful friends in Putin’s regime.


AL-QAEDA
Claims made by Litvinenko that al-Qaeda was working with and often for the FSB was embarassing for both organizations. In retaliation for suggesting it was the puppet of secret Russian masters, al-Qaeda may have murdered him knowing the harm it would do to the reputation of the FSB and therefore making sure no-one could believe they were secretly in league.


MOST CONVINCING EVIDENCE
A conspiracy as defined the dictionary way of ‘secret agreement between two or more people to perform an unlawful act’ was clearly needed to orchestrate such an operatic death for Alexander Litvinenko. In addition, the aftermath unfolded almost as exactly predicted by conspiriologists in two ways. First, the FSB launched a major campaign to discredit Litvinenko, even suggesting a PR firm had been involved in drafting his final statement. Second, Boris Berezovsky exploited his friend’s death for politcal potential – using it as a justification when he announced plans to stage a ‘second Russian revolution’.


MOST MYSTERIOUS FACT
Andrei Lugovoi, a millionaire security consultant and former FSB agent dined with Litvinenko on the day he was poisoned. He has vehemently denied allegations made by Boris Berezovsky that he was involved in the poisoning. Lugovoi had previously been the head of security for ORT – a TV network owned at the time by Berezovsky – and the KGB bodyguard of former Russian Prime Minister Yegor Gaidar. In November 2006, Gaidar was poisoned in Ireland while on a book promotion tour. Gaidar has claimed ‘adversaries of the Russian authorities’ carried out the poisoning. He has not elaborated on who these adversaries might be.


SCEPTICALLY SPEAKING
It is impossible to deny that there was a conspiracy to kill Alexander Litvinenko. It is also clearly a conspiracy instigated by someone whose wealth, power or professional contacts made securing polonium-210 easy and who had no regard for ruining relations between Britain and Russia. However, knowing a conspiracy exists does not mean that any researcher into it or the authorities charged with trying to seek justice for its victims have any concrete idea of who was behind it. It is easy to spot the pawns in a game of chess, but not always the hidden hand moving them. I personally think I know who ordered Litveneko’s death, but there is no way the lawyers will let me tell you who I want to see fed radioactive sushi to bring about a sense of eye-for-an-eye justice.

Back in the Blogosphere

As Renegade Soundwave might say: ‘I am back to announce/Put some style in my accounts…’

Despite the best attempts to save the world from my words, English Dreaming, English Rain is back in the blogosphere. More than ever before, I feel I am contributing to the voice of the intifada just by not rolling over and shutting up. Much has happened during the blackout. Some of you reading will understand why despite my new book being out today, I will not be enaging in usual round of publicity. However, I will post some extracts from Conspiracy Files here over the coming days. I will also be backfilling the blog as there are tales of West Ham fans, tortue technology and Blackheath babies to be told.

It has been a dramatic start to October. All of autumn has arrived in one day. Since early morning the canal has been a constant mass of of temporary rain craters. The sky’s pallete has narrowed to constant shades of gaunt grey. Outside chill has been bold enough to creep into the kitchen and towpath is suddenly thick with a carpet of fallen leaves. With this world outside the window, it feels natural to be a little teary when listenning to Johnny Cash. I already know the bed is going to seem ridiculously cold and empty tonight.

Tips of the Smoking Guns

Unless my publisher makes another mess of end matter, below are the acknowledgements for the new version of Conspiracy Files due out in October. As always, the tips of the smoking guns are a chance to thank friends for their backing and encouragement, give a nod to sources of information and signpost some inspirations. It also allows me to express gratitude to some of those who have supported my work.

If I run true to form, I have probably forgotten to name both at least one good friend and a vital informant. If you think you have been overlooked and are in one of those categories, I am really am sorry. Drop me a line and I will try to remedy the matter.

'DEDICATIONS:

Bill Hicks – I was once lucky enough to interview the great man. He was a keen conspiriologist. I think he would have liked this book.

Robert Vaughn – It is wonderful when a childhood hero who fought the conspiracies of THRUSH turns out to be even more heroic in real life for fighting to uncover the truth about the murder of Robert F. Kennedy.

A TIP OF THE SMOKING GUN TO

THE USUAL SUSPECTS
Surreal Girl; Cheryl Twist; Matt Adams; Annie & Luis; Steve Behan; Andrew & Suzie Collins; Storm Constantine; Tim Dedopulos; Jeff Edmundson; Stephen Grasso; Chandira Hensey, the HTML Fairy; Kate Ison; J; Gareth Jones; Ian Lawton; James Muslic; Hugh & Gaetane Phillips; Staci Rolfe; Dickon Springate; Liz Swanson; Richard Ward; Sean York.

THE UNUSUAL SUSPECTS
Ricky Tomlinson – a working class hero and victim of a vicious conspiracy; Ken MacLeod – Scotland’s greatest novelist and someone who actually understands conspiracy theories; David Benson for general talent and his Conspiracy Cabaret; Emilia Telese; Dr. Jack Sarfatti; Catherine Yronwode; Robin Ramsay; my friends at SIS; Piggy; Harry of the Yard; Inspector ‘X’; Peter from the Palace; Zef Nano; Patrick Browne; Mark Pilkington; Tom Vague; Ingo Storm; Steve Rajam; the spirits of Robert Anton Wilson and PKD; Paul Weston; Nigel Beckwith; Jaye Beldo; Ben Fairhall; Greg at Occult of Personality; Dan Parker; Dr. Shaun Saunders; Gary Russell because he still likes conspiracy theories; the other FT; Mich at the CIA and all of those grassy know-alls who helped with research on the Potere Occult who do not want to be mentioned by name.

This book was written to a soundtrack of Luke Haines, country versions of classic tracks by The Stooges and the bizarre French disco rock of Black Strobe.'

‘It takes at least a thousand pages to write the crap out of your system’

My editor for Conspiracy Files has shingles. His replacement – the blessed Lara – has asked me cut the text. This time it is not for legal reasons, but for space. If the cuts I have to make are too drastic, I will post the full originals on this blog because I am actually reasonably pleased with some of my writing when it comes to the new material. This is not always the case when I appraise my own work.

There are very few bits of advice on writing that actually hold at the coalface. One of them I have found to be true is: ‘It takes at least a thousand pages to write the crap out of your system.’ I think in my case it might be more like 3,000 pages, but the principle is accurate. It takes a while to flush out literary toxins you absorb as a reader. It takes a lot of pages to find your own voice, to be inspired by your favourite authors instead of sounding like a poor copy of them. I might not ever be to sing sentences that bring worlds to life like Sinclair or Moore, but I hope I am beginning to hit the right notes and express the tune I hear in my head at times.

The Oncoming Legal Storm

I am sorry for the recent silence. When you are writing 16 hours per day on a book, there is not much lexical spare capacity. Anyway, the book is now done and I can return to blogging. I might even post some entries covering events of the last week such as attending the John Pilger première and one of my informant’s reports of Dame BS shenanigans.

Of course what I mean by 'the book is now done’ is that I have written the text for it, selected the pictures and emailed it my editor. The whole set of other processes have to be gone through before I can really say I have finished work on it. Amongst these jobs will be the inevitable discussions about tonality issues with my editor. I do not mind this. An editor who is at least thinking about the tone of a book beats some of the naff font jockeys I have worked with in the past.

I also do not mind sweating over the captions and acknowledgements. The one thing I am dreading is the oncoming legal storm. The turnip-headed legalists who plague my creative existence will no doubt make my life miserable once they see the text for the new Conspiracy Files.

Both the publisher’s in-house lawyers and the expensive libel specialists will display vast caution and a total lack of commonsense. I already know some of their emails will make me want to cry with frustration. We will clash about what constitutes fair comment. We will clash over whether we can call someone a ‘little Hitler’ given they have already lost a libel case over that phrase. Voices will be raised over how upset the Attorney General would really be if I mentioned the names of a two pathologists. Two weeks of my life will disappear in trying to resolve our differences.

However, until then I have a few days to recover the use of my atrophied muscles and find solutions to some pressing worries regarding Nanna. I will also be able to do some fun things before the tempest hits. Blogging and celebrating Surreal Girl’s birthday are top of the list.

Green Nazis

I have made the first self-imposed cut to the new material I am writing for the update of Conspiracy Files. Given every entry is going to lead to bloody trench warfare with the publisher’s lawyers, I have decided to not even attempt to try and get the following passage from the Marc Dutroux entry passed them:

GREEN NAZIS
It is alleged Jean Michel Nihoul was involved with running a fringe political group in the 1980s which mixed New Age pseudo-philosophy and extreme green ideas. Some of its members later became associated with underground European fascist groups and radical ecology organizations advocating the culling of humanity to save the planet. When some investigators began to find links to former associates of Nihoul and rising right-wing politicians such as Netherland’s Pim Fortuyn (assassinated in 2002) they speculated that any conspiracy in the Dutroux affair may have a ‘Green Nazi’ facet.

This is the shame. You do just not see the phrase ‘Green Nazi’ in print nearly enough for my liking.

The New Conspiracy Files

It is official. I am now working on an update of Conspiracy Files. This news will horrify anyone who wants me to work for a ‘publisher that pays the talent fairly’ or see me produce a novel. When those conspiracy buffs that are fans of my work actually get to read the new book, they might be horrified as well.

I have decided to tackle head-on some of the flawed conjectures often considered as sacred tenets by the conspiriologist community. Given this may be my last traditional conspiracy book, certain things have to be said. The time has come to talk about the Okhrana origins of The Protocols of the Elders of Zion. This is the work where I can no longer dodge discussing Lyndon LaRouche Jnr. or David Icke.

When the new Conspiracy Files is published, hate mail and letters from the green crayon brigade are bound to find me fast. The jade missives are guaranteed to be virulent if the lawyers let me print half of what I want to say. However, I just hope the GBC are all I have to worry about after I have written about one of my former sources – Alexander Litvinenko.

Among the pictures I have requested for the new book are: ‘An illustration of the ancient god Moloch’, ‘A snap of Jeremiah Duggan as a floppy haired student before his murder, preferably the one in a silly striped jumper using one of his hands to shade his eyes’ and ‘The classic photograph of an emaciated, bald Litvinenko dying in his London hospital bed’. Baldness seems to be something of a theme in my photo requests as I also ask for: ‘Shot of bald-headed members of the Manson Family outside the court during his trial’.

Asking for odd pictures goes with covering the territory. I am used to writing up slightly bonkers picture reference lists. However, even I never expected to be requesting either Bryan Hitch Chitauri, Doctor Who Silurians, Buckaroo Banzai Lectroids or a reptilian-humanoid from V as an illustration. Scales are the price you pay for dancing with David Icke.